I’m a bloke. Well I was the last time I looked. As a bloke I do bloke stuff. One of these is assuming that I can get through life without reading the instructions.

The final part of the upgrading of my instruments and recording equipment is the considered purchase of Native Instruments Komplete Kontrol S61 and the Kontact Suite. The S61 is a keyboard and Kontact is a huge library of sounds, patches and instruments. So huge in fact that I filled my C Drive and had to uninstall it all and start again.

Now I’ve reached a crucial point, the point every bloke dreads when I’m actually going to have to read the instructions to get this all to work. Except there aren’t any instructions. Not one line of what to do. Nothing at all in the highly expensive packaging, just a couple of product codes and that’s your lot.

Maybe Native Instruments are working on the theory that most of their customers are blokes and won’t read instructions so why bother chopping down a rain forest worth paper that’s never going to be read? It makes sense I suppose. Instead, there are videos of bright, shiney people who are able to conjure up orchestras of sounds from their computers without absolutely no problem at all.

These happy souls clearly don’t live in my world of plug and play. Has anyone, ever, installed a computer program and had it work faultlessly, first time? Has anyone, ever, had a computer program that didn’t require months of painful learning whilst being made to feel like your an imbecile? Plug and play my arse.

Every computer program should come with someone with a ‘Happy To Help’ badge, someone with infinite patience. Until that happens I’m just going to have resign myself to reading the instructions.

I may be some time.